"Aiya, I've got 7/8/9 A's. God im so dissapointed with myself *emo*"
WTF! MY PARENTS WILL WORSHIP ME IF I'VE GOTTEN THAT RESULTS.
So going to Ou took my mind off things.
And I started to realise a lot of things today. And I guess i'll just let it all my thoughts compile in this really long post.
I'm not the kind of person who always says whats on her mind or would want to have a conversation about getting in touch with my inner feelings. I've never really been close to anyone else before besides my parents. It's because I always have a hard time trusting people. You would be surprised why. I probably only trust 8% of the people in my life right now and thats pretty low. I'm not getting all depressed and telling you guys my life sucks and that I hate it. No, I dont. I would just be some ungrateful bitch if I say it does. My life doesnt suck, its the small amount of people in my life that sucks, or should I call them, inconsiderate idiots. Pardon me language.
You know what disgust me the most? Talking to a person who's being so nice to you, knowing they've bitched behind your back. It feels like your looking at some ugly shit ass trolls that you just cant wait to end the conversation.
I've been thinking of the number of things I've done to help people or to just follow their ways just so I can avoid anymore dramas thats already in my life. But of course, nobody notices. They think they're just the only ones that doesnt try to cause any problems and how totally CONSIDERATE they are. COUGHBULLSHITCOUGH.
I cant wait to start college. I cant wait to meet new people and finally choose the right ones to be friends with. I dont mind leaving my old life at all because I dont think I'll miss anything about it. Well there are a couple of people that I dont regret meeting. But other than that, I really am done with this life. Friends are something that will be hard for me to forget. And i do appreciate the good happy moments we have. But slowly slowly, well, its will all be just "that time" in you life.
I've never trust one person whole-heartedly. Never. There's always a pinch of doubt in every person I know. Knowing that one day, you will eventually know the real them and how different they were when you first met them.
take this kitty as example:
sweet lookin, innocent, #1 KYUTENESS TO DA MAXXX
but oh wait.. eventually that kitty that you knew before will turn to this:
ugly ass troll - - IT WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL AND DRAG IT TO HELL!!
*cuts humor*
I've changed. Hopefully towards the better. For the past years I couldnt care less if I was making sarcastic remarks towards someone, or if I was being rude, or if I wasnt girly enough.
But just that right person, who changed my opinions on things to the better, who was the first one who opened my eyes(literally) and made me notice all the things i've been doing that made a couple of people, yes, even friends, dislike me. Hate me, if you would prefer. Hence, the amout of times bitching behind my back.
It was hard, changing, dont get me wrong there. Because no matter how much you change, there are people who wouldnt notice it and still thinks your the same person as you were before.
I mean you cant just go up to that person and slap them saying you're trying to be a better person. Like hell they care.
Anyway, I tried to stop with all the bad traits that made me who I was, but eventually, funny as it is, I actually payed more attention to other people's feelings. No shit there. I'm more concerned about how people feel towards me and how I dont like cause any troubles between myself and other people.
I guess thats why I've been keeping stuff to myself all this time. I've always had hard time telling people what my opinions are and would rather keep it to myself just to make the other person happy.
Right now, i'm sick with all of this.
I'm sick of judging a person whom I barely know.
I'm sick of making other people happy when CLEARLY they dont appreciate it.
I'm sick of talking behind someone's back just cause they've been doing the same thing behind me.
& I'm tired, of hating people. I really am.
God, I just want to forget about all this stuff and just start my life all over again.
HOLY SHIT THIS POST ZE EMO SHIT. ARGH!
BUNNY BUNNY BUNNY! *KA BOINK BOINK* WTH .__.
